silent nights.

• still awake at 5am.
• writing an article summary.
• one paper down and 4 more to go.
• i need. no wait. i want next week to come by fast, please?
• starting to like the holidays. :)
  
• oh snow, where are you? i want to make my first snow angel.

*i wish i could have a christmas tree in my room.*

slacker

my two-week finals schedule.
finals and quiz-es back to back.

will update later about random things,random places, random gatherings, but not random friends. ;)

i wonder if anyone still reads this? hmm. tell me.

one chance.

second chances don't actually come to me.
i messed up once. and that's all i got.
one shot at everything.
and if i fall at that one shot. i fall alone.
and if i die with one shot. i die alone too.
one chance at life.

i guess people think i don't deserve a second chance.
i don't deserve a chance to make things right.
makes the stakes much higher.

if only i was suicidal, I'd write my last note for everyone. mailed it, say my goodbyes and be thankful.
if only i was suicidal.

the words in between

I miss my tigger and his new owner. only he doesn't know it.
I miss the times when we could share everything.
but now, i have to decide between which i can tell you and which i should not because i don't wanna hurt your feelings.
I miss the times where we would just sit quietly next to each other and not say a word simply because i was too shy to say anything and i didn't wanna make a fool of myself.

if only time could go back. I'd definitely make a change.

I realized every time i talk to you, i end up arguing with you or I'll get upset over little things.
I realized that i wanted a lot of things from you that because i didn't feel like i was getting it, i end up being upset and arguing with you.
I wished that you be soo much for me that i never actually realized what i could be for you.
and like you said, yes i was being selfish.
I live in my perfect little world where you are what i want you to be.

being the girl in the family is really hard.
and at a very young age, i was always told that men are all the same.
I was brought up with a mind set of never to get married because you'll have a man like your father after 40 years of marriage.
and when i actually did fell in love, i wanted to prove that whatever i was told and taught was wrong.
but until i live through out 40 years of marriage, i wont know.
i don't know if it was the right decision or not but i definitely know that i didn't regret it.
40 years is too long to think about. I'm not even sure about 40 months for that matter.

I'm not saying sorry this time because you've heard enough.
I don't know if a change will happen or not. but until it does, i live in my four wall's world.
I am alone and i don't know if you'll be comfortable with it.
and maybe, i just don't know how to open up to you anymore.

When the silence gets too loud, and I really start to miss everyone, I tell myself the same thing.
I can't see you, but I know you're there.
-Haley James Scott-

it is me?

I'm not happy.
I'm sad.
and I've got no one.

if only i could tell you everything that I'm feeling and you'd understand.

alone.

I learned to never to show true emotions to anyone, even if their close to you.
I learned to live my life on my own and no longer for people.
I learned to be happy even in the most awful, crappy situations.
I learned to restrain myself from saying the things that might hurt those that I care about.

all because I live a life of my own and when you think someone's there for you, no one is truly there.

You don't have to pretend to like me anymore,

I had enough cherries to last me a lifetime.
and as perfect I may seem to You,
one day You'd realized that those were all flaws.

take me away.

the perfect sunday afternoon spent.

ice-cream, chocolates and a good book. that's all i want for now.

week three.

life in a whole new environment.

cultural shock? checked!
homesick-ness? checked!
free stuff? double checked!

clearly slacked on the updates again.
reason? simple : i malas! :P
okay no. first week of classes and we have quizzes already and i have homework due everyday so yeah, less time for everything.

frappuccino in a bottle.
(minus the crushed ice.)

another update over the weekend probably.

transition.

at changi airport,singapore now.
6hours of i-dont-know-what-to-do-time.
shops are close. its getting cold.
passengers are snoozing everywhere.
the smell of coffee is tempting me. baad coffee. must resist. *runs away*

and the best part about all those.
seeing planes take off the runway. the sounds. the speed.
never fails to excite me the least bit.

and lastly. i have the most awesomest friends ever.
i will miss each and every one of you guys. :)
from farewells to last minute airport calls.
you guys are like officially the best! *thumbs up*


and you. i wont say how much i am going to miss you.
because there's no limit to it. and you already know that.
do take care and i'll see you as soon as possible. :))
tigger will watch you over for me. be nice to him. :P

we'll make it through, rite?

distance. time. apart.
with all that is coming through, I can't stop thinking about it.
I need you to tell me.

I've always been a little girl at heart. (;

Sometimes you need to step outside, clear your head and remind yourself of who you are.
And where you wanna be.
And sometimes you have to venture outside your world in order to find yourself.
As for me, I'm happy right where I am. I only wanna be with you.

for you.

dear boyfriend,

If you ever happen to come across this post,
I just want you to know that I've always been trying to know what's on your mind.

but no matter what, I will always be happy because of you. :)

love you, ♥
girlfriend.

new blog.
new postings.
new location.
new people.
new relationships.

a fresh start to new chapter of my life.

but i am still gonna ramble like a little girl. ;)