silent nights.

• still awake at 5am.
• writing an article summary.
• one paper down and 4 more to go.
• i need. no wait. i want next week to come by fast, please?
• starting to like the holidays. :)
  
• oh snow, where are you? i want to make my first snow angel.

*i wish i could have a christmas tree in my room.*

slacker

my two-week finals schedule.
finals and quiz-es back to back.

will update later about random things,random places, random gatherings, but not random friends. ;)

i wonder if anyone still reads this? hmm. tell me.

one chance.

second chances don't actually come to me.
i messed up once. and that's all i got.
one shot at everything.
and if i fall at that one shot. i fall alone.
and if i die with one shot. i die alone too.
one chance at life.

i guess people think i don't deserve a second chance.
i don't deserve a chance to make things right.
makes the stakes much higher.

if only i was suicidal, I'd write my last note for everyone. mailed it, say my goodbyes and be thankful.
if only i was suicidal.

the words in between

I miss my tigger and his new owner. only he doesn't know it.
I miss the times when we could share everything.
but now, i have to decide between which i can tell you and which i should not because i don't wanna hurt your feelings.
I miss the times where we would just sit quietly next to each other and not say a word simply because i was too shy to say anything and i didn't wanna make a fool of myself.

if only time could go back. I'd definitely make a change.

I realized every time i talk to you, i end up arguing with you or I'll get upset over little things.
I realized that i wanted a lot of things from you that because i didn't feel like i was getting it, i end up being upset and arguing with you.
I wished that you be soo much for me that i never actually realized what i could be for you.
and like you said, yes i was being selfish.
I live in my perfect little world where you are what i want you to be.

being the girl in the family is really hard.
and at a very young age, i was always told that men are all the same.
I was brought up with a mind set of never to get married because you'll have a man like your father after 40 years of marriage.
and when i actually did fell in love, i wanted to prove that whatever i was told and taught was wrong.
but until i live through out 40 years of marriage, i wont know.
i don't know if it was the right decision or not but i definitely know that i didn't regret it.
40 years is too long to think about. I'm not even sure about 40 months for that matter.

I'm not saying sorry this time because you've heard enough.
I don't know if a change will happen or not. but until it does, i live in my four wall's world.
I am alone and i don't know if you'll be comfortable with it.
and maybe, i just don't know how to open up to you anymore.

When the silence gets too loud, and I really start to miss everyone, I tell myself the same thing.
I can't see you, but I know you're there.
-Haley James Scott-

it is me?

I'm not happy.
I'm sad.
and I've got no one.

if only i could tell you everything that I'm feeling and you'd understand.

alone.

I learned to never to show true emotions to anyone, even if their close to you.
I learned to live my life on my own and no longer for people.
I learned to be happy even in the most awful, crappy situations.
I learned to restrain myself from saying the things that might hurt those that I care about.

all because I live a life of my own and when you think someone's there for you, no one is truly there.

You don't have to pretend to like me anymore,

I had enough cherries to last me a lifetime.
and as perfect I may seem to You,
one day You'd realized that those were all flaws.

take me away.

the perfect sunday afternoon spent.

ice-cream, chocolates and a good book. that's all i want for now.