begin again

is it really that hard to find a guy that is truly gonna love you?

is being too easy to get a bad thing?

is being too hard to gets you turn down by the guy you like in the end?

oh questions questions questions.
i keep pondering.
when a guy finds you an easy target, he's gonna want more, need more.
but if you're being too hard to get, he might just give up in the end.
so, what should you do?
i honestly dont know.

but what i do know is that when you learn to please everyone but yourself, that's when you allow yourself to get hurt as well.
and the sad part? sometimes you just deal with sadness alone.

no, i never wanna fall apart,
never wanna break your heart
never wanna let you break my own
-Colbie Caillat-

here comes goodbye

here i am again. writing.
i should really learn to be consistent with my posting. forgive me.

anyways, feeling bittersweet right now.
i dont know what i should feel anymore.
upset? angry? regret? happy? relieved?
i really dont know. my feelings is pretty mixed up right now.
i dont even know what i should do.
should i still talk to him? should i avoid him? should i still care about him?
but he already has a girl. which is way better than me. so i guess i'm not really need anymore.

i guess the biggest love of all one can give is that seeing the person you love be happy with someone even when that someone is not you.
its not easy for sure. but that's the only thing i can do.
be happy for them.

and to you, i dont know if you'll ever read this but if you do, here's to you:
i can only apologize for everything that has happen.
i wish i was the one who could be there for you when you were depressed,upset and lost.
but i lost my chance and you moved on.
i will no longer bear hopes of us anymore, neither will i still dream of a future with you (although i really wish so)
letting go is never easy but i'm gonna try. i might fall and break.
and it hurts inside, seeing you be happy with another a girl but its better to have one person get hurt than both or all three of us.
you were amazing, everything i wished for but i guess i wasn't appreciative enough of you.
i wish you all the best in your future. you'll achieve great things someday.
dont let the small challenges and hurdles bring you down as they only make you stronger.
i will always pray the best for you. :)
and i know you hate goodbyes but this is for real.

goodbye, lee tzelih.
please remember to always stay amazing and never once doubt yourself.



pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel, like your nothing;
you are perfect to me.
pretty pretty please, dont you ever ever feel like you're less than, less than perfect
-pink; perfect-

one chance.

second chances don't actually come to me.
i messed up once. and that's all i got.
one shot at everything.
and if i fall at that one shot. i fall alone.
and if i die with one shot. i die alone too.
one chance at life.

i guess people think i don't deserve a second chance.
i don't deserve a chance to make things right.
makes the stakes much higher.

if only i was suicidal, I'd write my last note for everyone. mailed it, say my goodbyes and be thankful.
if only i was suicidal.