significance.

how much are you worth?
are you any important to people?
would they have a thought about my feelings?
am i likable?

often one of the very few questions I tend to ask myself over and over again.
a friend once told me that if I had to things to make people like me, then that person's not worth being my friend.
but then I wonder, what if he's a guy I really like?
do I still do the things that he wants me to do in order to get him to notice me and like me back to?
would the feelings be mutual and real after that?
so my friend goes on explaining that its a whole different story if love (or okay crush would be a better term :P) is involve.
sometimes them guys do things out of their league just to get the girl they like to notice them.
so its the same as us girls rite? we do things that we may not necessary like just to impress the guy we like.

we had whole talk/discussion on it.
haha. its was funny along the way and some truce to it.
psychology majors can just somewhat convince you. well that's just because they study human behavior and personality more in depth than any other majors.

I definitely learned a lot from that with a rough month back then and a guy.
Its really hard to tell what's on his mind and what he wants and expect out from me.
I always knew I wasn't good, hence I'm always trying to do things that pleases thinking that as long as we're talking like before means we can go back to where we were.
sometimes he does things that unintentionally hurts me and sometimes it hurts deep. but I never really told him because of my sensitiveness that got us apart. therefore, I just refuse to say much and suffer the hurt myself.
but I know I cant go on like that. It hurts in someways so I just have to think of other things to distract my thoughts but at the end of the day, I still think of it.
and now, lately, I dont know if the thoughts I initially had about us will turn out to be what it is.
perhaps, me letting go would be the best for both of us?
I dont know. I haven't heard from him since. and I dont want to make a decision that would hurt both of us.
I guess time will tell everything.

Here I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old tired, lonely place
Walls of insincerity
-Taylor Swift, enchanted-

ps: im sorry if anyone had to read that. just my random scribbles of thoughts.